The moment eternal

I´ve never fucked someone who talks so much during sex. Small wonder he gives little or no oral sex, one can´t talk with his mouth full. And he pesters me to tell him tales of my past experiences. I have no problem writing about them, but the sexual act is not debriefing, it is about creating memories, savoring each other bodies, exploring the senses. A moment eternal, as the poem puts it so well, not going back on moments past.

I straddled him and asked, begging Clive Barker´s forgiveness for half stealing a line: what are your pleasures? I asked him to Picture a moment, be it a simple missionary position, an ordinary anal, or he could make an attempt of being Christian Grey. I let him slap my butt and he was so tame! My cheeks barely burned, and the mischief in his eyes quickly melted into fear that he might go too far, cause he is obviously Stronger than me. And he is a little clumsy. It is Worth noticing that the violence of such below vanilla spanking was off-putting to him, but trying to induce me to fuck him without preservatives, wasn´t. On the other hand, I think that some men do that because they are eager, horny and because they do feel that the condom does interfere with their pleasure.


The feel of firmer hands came to my skin, cause it has its own memory, how sure and precise he was at every movement. Never too much, never too little. When the mind falters, the millions of nervous cells on my skin remind me of him.

The anxiety on his face is clear and overwhelming. And that´s what stirred my curiosity I suppose. What would come out on that face if he´d only shut, breath and discovered that he did not have anything to do for a day or so. Sleep? What if he could not read the News – which is part of his job, could not wear clothes, and simply had to keep his mind still?

There is probably nothing there but noise. Aggressive noise, since I am an introvert, noise is Always annoying. I also wonder if he would ever give me the chance to hear his silence and read his face, to feel his body without any shadow of anxiety. Either he is nothing but this raucous noise, or I am not the right woman.

For someone whose mind races in different directions at the same time at a feverish speed, concentrating on one thing that overwhelms the senses, all of them, was a life changing experience. I found out that sex could be a way to still my mind. I am often drifting between storms and a bottomless abyss, and the connection of another human being on such basic level anchors me…

Besides the physical benefits, cause this defusing the bomb does indeed cause a measurable physical improvement, such as better sleep, less stress… there is nothing it can add, I reckoned, until I found someone who gave me some affectionate feedback, as little as it was. You can´t just request this kind of affection from someone else, it must be freely given, and you don´t want it from just anyone, but from someone special. That´s the catch. That´s drama.

So the search goes on, for the male cinderella, who can draw circles on my forehead and grace me with calmness and meaning.



Out of your whole life give but one moment!
All of your life that has gone before,
All to come after it, – so you ignore,
So you make perfect the present, – condense,
In a rapture of rage, for perfection’s endowment,
Thought and feeling and soul and sense –
Merged in a moment which gives me at last
You around me for once, you beneath me, above me –
Me – sure that despite of time future, time past, –
This tick of our life-time’s one moment you love me!
How long such suspension may linger? Ah, Sweet –
The moment eternal – just that and no more –
When ecstasy’s utmost we clutch at the core
While cheeks burn, arms open, eyes shut and lips meet!

2 thoughts on “The moment eternal

  1. You write beautiful about your sexual experiences, capturing the intensity, erotic details and how the body and mind respond. I can relate to a lot of what you write.
    There was a time in my life, decades actually, when I was consumed with sex, it played a very important part in my life. I thought it always would. For a few years now though it hardly features at all which has me perplexed. Its not as though I don’t have opportunities, they are there but for some reason the desire is low. Anyway, I’m enjoying reading your writing as it captures the memories and experiences in an open, direct, yet sensitive manner.
    Have you ever thought about writing erotic novels? You’d do well I imagine.

    Hey I haven’t seen you around TOTH lately! I haven’t spent much time there either. Sometimes some of the posters can be rather cliquey.


    • It is not so much about the sex… it is about what people reveal of themselves during sex. The unspoken language, the things that you can´t hold back, cause they´re almost physical reflexes. They are not more or less true, just operating on a different level of discourse. Most of what I write are memories. I am a bit old for the roller coaster of sex hunting! And been deeply depressed, that´s why I´ve been only lurking on TOTH. Thanks, dear. Be welcome here whenever you want!


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